I was always 40

I write more in my dreams than in actual life. Every night I compose from among an array of hard hitting rants against society, deep love letters, apologies to ex-girlfriends, path breaking treatises, crime thrillers and more. Choose your night and wake me up. I will give you the next big web series idea. 

Nothing gets published. As obvious. 

But here I am on the threshold of turning 40. Wait... does that word have two "h"s or one? Never mind, I am not a grammar Nazi. Or a spell checker. Is a spell checker a subset of grammar Nazi? So yes, I must turn 40. Half life if I was radioactive. My target is to reach 78, so I am actually past half life. But who celebrates a 39th birthday with the fanfare of a blog post? So here I am. 

To publish some thoughts before I turn 40. Or the stuff that I dream. I am making it sound like I do LSD or meth or something every night. 

Now do I have any ideas on how to make a literary splash before my landmark birthday? Do I publish some sage advice for my offspring on my birthday? No, that may be something I would do on their birthday, if I considered my advice important enough, which I don't. Actually, there is no plurality in my next generation. But as and when my 8-month old son grows up enough to read this, he would be proud to note that I was doing okay on pronouns back in the days. 

The thing is I am not one to make a splash. Is that any way to lead a life? Where's the drive, where's the ambition, you say? Where's the will to be famous? To be remembered? Is this the advice you want to give to a teenager? This just seems grossly irresponsible as a father figure, a middle aged man of any respectable standing in society. 

Did you picture that middle aged man? What picture did you visualise? What would Dall-E say? I think I was always 40, but not in the way you think. Yes, I am grumpy in the mornings, I have a pot belly and my back aches at every opportunity but my hair is mostly black and my hairline does not recede, I don't talk about insurance and real estate and investments, I don't even own a house or even a car to tick the traditional boxes and I don't have control over every single thing in my life. 

Sounds happy go lucky at 25? So why 40? Because I am the boring guy. The guy who attends every party and stays till the end but does nothing memorable. The guy who commands respect in professional life but is no star who gets promoted out of turn. The guy who wants to eat less and exercise more but never finds the discipline for it. The guy who will climb the first 8000 feet of a 9000 feet mountain but will choose not to summit because the last 1000 feet is just too slippery. The guy... you get the drift. I hope. I am running out of allegories. 

In short, I have never been a risk taker. I have always run from confrontation. I have always been lazy - spoiler alert - if you never noticed the name of the website. So I have enjoyed the fountain of youth - which sounds yucky on hindsight - with a certain buffer of safety, never veering too far away from the median, always dousing fires instead of reveling in the burn. A more middle aged take on life if you will.

So what's the point? The point being, because I was always 40 and still am, I don't feel like I have aged over the last 20 years. I feel just that young or that old. As they say, age is just a number. Or the number of heavy breaths you take after 5 minutes on the football pitch. Who knows, maybe I will take a few risks from hereon, reverse aging is not that bad a concept. Till then, I will keep smiling and taking a few sips of, what else, whisky, and nod at you from the corner of the room, when we meet.

To lunch or not to lunch

Let go

Let go of your hurt, your anger

Let go of your aspirations, your exasperations

Let go of your love

Look up

Look to the skies, a bright sunny day

Look at the clouds, floating in the windy bay

Look away from me

Live on

Live like there’s no tomorrow

Live like nothing’s coming back to you

Live laugh launch

Live laugh lunch

Absolute

”Absolute”. What do you make of it? As for me, I first came in contact with this word, may be when I was in Class 3 or 4. Actually, it was in connection to “Truth”, that is, “Absolute Truth”. Many examples were provided. But I remember one, “Sun rises in the East”. It was quite all right. I never thought about it for a long time.

As I grew older though, with a more mature thought process at my disposal, I started questioning many a things, which I had taken for granted earlier. So one fine day I start thinking about this “Absolute Truth” about the sun rising in the east. What is “Sun”? We, mankind, have defined a “Ball of Fire” as “Sun”. We could have named it as Moon or any other name. So, what is absolute about it? Similarly, “East” and “Rising”. In fact, “Rising of Sun on Earth” concept, with the earth seemingly at the centre of the universe, was summarily disproved by Copernicus and then by Galileo in the 1600s, who placed the sun at the centre of the universe and not vice versa. (And today, of course, we know the universe is so much bigger than the sun and our solar system, but let us not even get into that). Yet, our language hadn’t evolved to reflect that change in “Truth”. So, my more mature thought process told me that this “Absolute Truth” was “Absolute Bogus”.

Later on in college days, I came to know of another Absolut(e), but that is a premium Vodka. This is not a place to discuss that.  

Much later in life, after completing the trials of a busy family and working life, when I finally had the time and energy to unfetter my thoughts, I realised that “Time” is also a factor in ”Absolute Truth”. Let us forget about the above definitions and other things, but after a very long period of time, maybe many billions of years later, the Sun will lose the energy and heat that it is radiating now. Slowly everything will cool down to such an extent that first there will be no existence of life form in Earth or who knows, the Universe. So, the Sun will eventually become extinct. At that time, there will again be no “Absolute Truth” of “Sun rising in the East”. So, “Time” is a defining factor for any “Absolute Truth”. What may be true now may not be true in another era.

That is the Fourth Dimension. Time will eventually affect all other dimensions.

And that is how I, a layman, came to understand the concept of the Fourth Dimension, having started with the “Absolute Truth”.

Amen.

Sujit Sarkar

25^th May, 2020.

বাঙালি ও ঈশ্বর

ভারতের অন্যান্য প্রদেশের মত বাঙালিদের ও দেবদ্বিজে যথেষ্ট ভয়ভক্তি আছে। কিন্তু বাঙালি তো আবেগপ্রবণ জাতি । শুধু ভক্তিতে কি আর থেমে থাকে? দেবদেবীরা ক্রমশই আমাদের অনেক আপন হয়ে গিয়েছে ।

ভারতের অন্যান্য প্রদেশে লোকে এখনও দেবতাদের অনেক উচ্চাসনে রাখে, বিশেষতঃ উত্তর ও দক্ষিণ ভারতে । আমাদের এই আপন করে নেওয়া বোধহয় শুরু হয়েছে চৈতন্যদেবের আমল থেকে । ভক্তিরসের প্রভাবে আমাদের ঈশ্বরের প্রতি ভয় কেটে প্রথমে ভক্তি এবং পরবর্তী কালে ক্রমশ তা ভালবাসায় পরিণত হয় । এই ভালবাসায় নির্ভর করেই ঈশ্বর আমাদের কাছের লোক হয়ে উঠেছে। তবে এটা যত সহজে বললাম তত সহজে হয়নি, বেশ কয়েক শতাব্দী সময় নিয়েছে। ধীরে ধীরে হয়েছে ।

আমাদের কথোপকথনে, আমাদের সাহিত্যে, আমাদের ব্যবহারিক জীবনে এর প্রভাব পড়েছে।
আমরা মা কালী, মা দুর্গাকে এখনো যথেষ্ট ভয় ভক্তি করি। কিন্তু গণেশ যতটা পশ্চিম ভারতে গুরুত্ব পায় কদিন আগেও এখানে পেত না। আমরা ছোটবেলায় যখন দশমীর ঘট নড়ানোর পর সব ঠাকুরকে প্রণাম করতাম তখন একবার গণেশের ভুঁড়িতে হাতও বোলাতাম।

সাহিত্যে যদি দেখি তবে প্রথমেই যেতে হয় আমাদের নিজস্ব ঠাকুরের কাছে অর্থাৎ রবি ঠাকুর। রবীন্দ্রনাথ তার অনেক কবিতা ও গানে ঈশ্বরকে বন্ধু, সখা বা প্রাণসখা বলে সম্বোধন করেছেন। আসলে রবীন্দ্রনাথ তার কবিতা ও গানে এতই আন্তরিক ঈশ্বরের প্রতি যে তার কাব্য পূজা পর্যায়ের না প্রেম পর্যায়ের বোঝা অনেক ক্ষেত্রে ই মুশকিল । নজরুলও তাকে “বিরাট শিশু” বলে সম্বোধন করেছেন। সুনীল গঙ্গোপাধ্যায় তো কবিতায় সরস্বতীর প্রতি রোমান্টিক মনোভাব ও প্রকাশ করেছেন।

বাঙালির আগমনীর গানও এক সম্পূর্ণ অন্য আঙ্গিকের। আমরা ডাকসাইটে মহিষাসুরমর্দিনীকে একেবারে ঘরের মেয়ে উমা হিসেবে আমাদের ঘরে আবাহন করেছি। ঈশ্বরের প্রতি এই একান্ত ঘরোয়া আচরণ বোধহয় সর্বতোভাবেই অনন্য। বিজয়ার বিষাদসুরের সঙ্গে আমরা সধবা কন্যার পুত্র কন্যা সহ স্বামীগৃহে প্রত্যাবর্তনের বেদনা একাকার করে ফেলেছি। মা উমার সাথে সিঁদূর খেলাও একান্তই বাঙালির নিজস্ব ।

শিবের গাজন নিয়ে ও একই কথা বলা যায় । অন্যান্য প্রদেশের দোর্দণ্ডপ্রতাপ মহাদেব আমাদের বাউন্ডুলে জামাই।

বাংলার লোকসংগীত এ তো আরও কাছের
করে নিয়েছি আমরা সবাইকে। দু একটা উদাহরণ ই যথেষ্ট। যেমন, “কথা কসনে লো রাই শ্যামের বড়াই বড় বেড়েছে”। এর থেকে এককাঠি উপরে “মাঈ তুমি জলে না যায়িও, কদম গাছে বসিয়া আছে কানু হারামজাদা”।

বাঙালিরা ঈশ্বরকে শুধু আসনে সাজিয়ে পুজো ই করেনা তাকে একান্তই আপন করে বুকেও স্থান
দেয়। বাঙালির ঈশ্বরের সঙ্গে এই যে অম্লমধুর সম্পর্ক এটা সত্যিই অভূতপূর্ব ও অনন্য ।

আজ এ পর্যন্তই ।

Sujit Sarkar

২৪শে মে, ২০২০

My God

I believe in God. Nothing unique. Most people do. Yes, there are some who may not. Very few among them would be non-believers right from childhood though unless they were brought up in strict non-believer households. In most cases, I guess the atheist belief starts during adulthood when they are influenced by other non-believers. In any case, Hindu doctrine has a place for everyone. Non-believer does not mean outcast. As long as one is following societal mores and basic Hindu philosophy, he is the same as any of us. One can believe consciously or subconsciously, it does not matter.

But, we digress. Let’s come to the point. What or who is God? To me He is Supreme. He is Creator (Brahma), He is Caregiver (Vishnu) and He is also Destroyer (Shiva). Basically the three faces of God. If He is Supreme, He is One. There cannot be other. Multiplicity of Supreme is not possible.

We all know about the Big Bang theory. It is not conclusively proved yet, but most probably true. Our universe is a result of that and all life form evolved from there. All good. But are we sure there are no parallel universes or multiverses? There may be billions of other universes, for all we know. So, were there other Big Bangs? Or did a single Big Bang create all the far flung universes? Hard to tell. Now, think of the total energy required to create just one universe, the bounds of which are ever unknown, let alone multiverses. What a colossal mass of energy (energy has a mass, E=MC²)! Where did this Energy come from? This is God, to my mind.

Many spiritually uplifted persons, who have realised His manifestation, have spoken of the dazzling light that is difficult to see with the naked eye. So, if this Energy is “Swambhu” then God also is “Swambhu”, as the Vedas and the Upanishadas have mentioned. And then He created this Energy which resulted in our universe and maybe others.       

Who is God? What does He look like? We, the common people imagine Him as we like. All who claim to have seen Him or felt Him though, describe the experience in different ways. This is no surprise. Let us imagine we observe Mt. Kanchenjunga. It can be seen from many places. Darjeeling, Kalingpong, Siliguri, Pelling, maybe even as far away as Raigunj if luck is on your side. It will look different from different places. Different shape, different size. So, God, who is altogether a vastly different and superior phenomenon, will definitely appear different to the different people, who may have seen or visualised Him. That’s why there is all this confusion. Some enlightened persons may have seen or visualised Him but they have definitely not described His appearance. They have propagated His other aspects but not His appearance. This leads to us the next question.

If He is Supreme, why is there is a multiplicity of god & goddesses in our Hindu culture? Believe there are various factors behind this. Firstly, it is very difficult for the masses to visualise or accept “One God” concept, because the form or appearance is missing as a construct. In the primitive ages, men were helpless against all natural forces i.e. Sun, Rain, Wind et al. So, they prayed to these forces to keep themselves safe. That’s why deities like Barun, Agni, Pawan came into the picture initially. Then we have to consider the mix of cultures in our land. When the Aryans spread to other corner parts from the north-west of India, they came in contact with the Adibashis or the original inhabitants of the land. After some initial conflict, they stayed together harmoniously and slowly a mixed culture evolved. Both sets of beliefs were accepted. So, many non-Aryan beliefs entered the main stream and led to multiplicity.

And we needed rituals and festivals in a community setting. For bonding and for entertainment. Which was important for mental well being. As people started to live in a community for protection against external forces, and villages came into existence, festivities were required to celebrate life. Marriages and such life events were few and far in between. So, Puja (worship) of deities came into fore.  Different local deities were enshrined.

Puja involves rituals. But it is also a festival. Community festivities back in the days led to multiple pujas, and multiple deities. For puja or festival purpose, we have multiple gods, but eventually we pray to Him. Now, sages had said that if you have difficulty in imagining Him as “Nirakar” (no form), then imagine Him in any form and that becomes your “Ishta Devata”(own God). Pray to Him and seek His blessings. Only those who have attained higher echelons, philosophically or spiritually, can imagine or pray to Him as “Nirakar”. Others may find it easier to pray to their respective “Ishta Devata”s in the form we like. 

Spirituality is not the same in everyone. Nor is intellect. Only at the higher levels of spirituality or intellect or both, one can conceptualise “One God” or “Nirakar”. For others it may be difficult. Slowly and eventually, they turn towards Him, but it comes through stages. Slowly, from the many facets of the “One God”, the roads converge towards the singular, which is difficult to comprehend at one go. That is another reason of multiple deities in our culture.

All through the ages, the wise sages have said “All roads leads to Him”, meaning spiritual roads. So, the journey of faith may be different, but the Goal is One. God is One. Even, recently Sri Ramakrishna said “Joto Mat Toto Path” meaning “Different Faiths are Different Paths, leading to Him only”. Swami Vivekananda has simplified it more to say “Serve all the Creatures, thus you will serve Him”. Simplest way I feel.

Mother and God is probably the only multiplicity that remains, or you can say two sides of the same coin. Mother is the nearest thing to God in our earthly life. Mothers clearly represent two of the functions of Him, Creation and Caring. The selfless love of Mothers is like His selfless love for all His creation. Mothers can also destroy all that threatens His creation. That is why mostly we worship God as a motherly figure, Durga , Kali, Chandi. This way Mother and God becomes one. We pay homage to both. Another thing to note is that the deities Durga, Kali, Chandi are all described in our Puranas as “Shakti” which again means “Energy”, the origin of the Universe.

How do you serve God? Once, Narada had asked Sri Krishna “Who is your greatest follower?” expecting to hear his own name. But to his utter surprise, Sri Krishna pointed to a farmer returning home from his field and said, “That man is. He goes to the field at the crack of dawn, toils all day, has his frugal meal there, and comes back home at sunset. After returning, he washes himself, has dinner and before going to sleep, remembers Me, and thanks me for his two square meals. He does his duty wholeheartedly and honestly and also remembers Me in his gratitude. He is the greatest follower of God. If everyone all day long only takes my name, prays to me and tries to reach Me through meditation, then how will my creations survive and flourish? For that, I require simple God loving men and women, who perform their allotted duties honestly and sincerely, and remember Me even once a day”. 

That’s all for now. Namaskar.

Sujit Sarkar

17 May 2020

Kolkata

What's holy about Holi?

I hate Holi. There I said it. Not that I hate it passionately or anything. Like the way I hate Greg Chappell, for instance. But still, in a kind of loose detached way. I just don’t like this festival. Somehow. Period.

I remember the dark days of my childhood when I really used to dread this holiday. Or Holi-day. Clichéd pun intended. I remember we used to stay in this rather quiet corner neighbourhood with not many children around. So my mother used to pack me and my brother off with a plastic bag of abir (gulaal or coloured powder) and a pichkari  each and literally pushed us out to play Holi with the kids in another adjoining colony. The lonely 10 minute walk to the other colony was terrible. It was torturous to imagine the horror of knocking on so many doors and interacting with adults and children akin. People who maybe you would stealthily walk past on a normal day. Your parents’ friends/ colleagues and their children. Not your friends. Is it necessary for the children of your parents’ friends to be your friends? Well my parents made that assumption at least in those early years.

Later, when I grew up a bit and we shifted out to another slightly higher class neighbourhood, I was able to talk my way out of playing Holi on most occasions. My parents would usually go out to the party hosted by the MD or ED or whoever, and I would chill. Ah the peace. By now, I think you are getting the drift. So let me make a small list why I just don’t get Holi.

Holi is not a festival for introverts

Yes, I am an introvert and I like it that way. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like hanging around with friends and family. In fact, that is probably the greatest pleasure in life. But getting felt up by friends of friends, acquaintances and strangers is not my cup of tea. On Holi, people seem to assume that you like being ragged. But nobody asks for limits. And everybody protests ragging in hostels. Ah the hypocrisy.

Holi encourages mob mentality

Now, did you assume then that I have never gone overboard with the colours bombs and monkey paint and so on? Of course, I have. But in a gang. Once you are part of a mob, you can take it out on any unsuspecting sissy the way you want. Drenching a sleeping guy and his room with pails of water just because he doesn’t want to come out and play? Check. Dunking someone in a dirty water tank? Check. Throwing water bombs at girls while riding pillion on a scooter? Check. When you are in a mob on this day, you feel all powerful, all conquering. During my college days, I was in that mob and we had fun. Its only now I realise that one man’s fun may be another man’s pain. The mob is not always right, but Holi teaches you otherwise.

Holi encourages substance abuse

What’s in that bhang anyway? And it’s so freely available and consumed during Holi, it blows my mind. Hey even the college canteens serve the stuff, if I am not mistaken. Why ban ganja then? To me, any intoxicant that tastes good will have to be evil. The easier it is to consume a drug, the less you know of the effect it will have on you. Many naïve ones have gotten so high on bhang once that they gave up the idea of getting responsibly high ever. So if you want to get high, work hard. Roll a joint. Drink some bangla. 60 up. Or if you have some money like me, drink the bitter stuff – beer and whisky. Get high on better days, and responsibly too.

Why do we have this festival anyway?

Yes, yes, I know Holi is probably the second most well known of India’s festivals globally, after Deepavali. It makes for some colourful photographs on travel brochures. But other than some mythological stories, I haven’t really understood why or when exactly we play Holi. It is festival of spring, sure, so it is played in the month of Vasant. But which day exactly, how is it determined is a mystery to me. It does not have any explicit religious significance either, unlike Deepavali (where the goddesses Lakshmi and Kali, among others, are worshipped in various parts of India), or the regional eponymous festivals dedicated to Durga or Ganesh. So why all the fervour, especially in the northern states of India? Is it the desi version of Valentine’s Day? One day when you can intermingle freely among the sexes and the tau will not protest? In Eastern India, we already have Saraswati Puja to usher in spring and for the boys to have a bit of fun. So maybe, Holi is not that important. What about the southern states? Do they even have a holiday?

All in all, I think it’s a festival that’s too in-your-face with an I enjoy it - you don’t enjoy- deal with it kind of mentality. Yes, it’s probably a great leveler but that’s about it. No great shakes.

P.S. To be taken with a pinch of salt. And maybe a slice of lemon. 

Saluting a Hero

Heroes may retire but they don’t fade away. They will continue to inspire.

Everyone has his or her own childhood hero. My wife has had the good fortune to be inspired by one throughout her life – her father, and I have had the pleasure of knowing and admiring him from close quarters for the last 3 years or so.  Like all heroes, he does not talk too much, but believes in action. He takes the guise of an IPS officer. Yes, that much maligned and much lampooned protector of civil society. Yes, also that breed which most Bollywood reel action heroes belong to.  A police officer.  Earning less than maybe even some petty criminals and yet fighting every day to resist material temptations and bring them to book.

So we hero worship our Singhams, our Rowdy Rathores and our Chulbul Pandeys. But how do we repay our real heroes? Surely not the way our country has chosen to. As he stands on the cusp of his retirement today – a day he surely must have been looking forward to – to look back fondly in pride at his 30-plus years of achievements and accolades, he finds no joy. Only betrayal. By the same system he once embraced wholeheartedly and tried very hard to make a difference.

He tried to attempt what few police officers attempt to do – took the hard stance with crime, earned the respect of all and sundry, stayed fair, stayed clean and did not succumb to any undue pressure. He was good enough to instill fear, real fear in those who were in the wrong. Yes, he was a very high ranking police officer. But you don’t see his palatial houses being built in every corner of the state. You don’t see him standing next to the minister’s daughter at every wedding. Yet what was his strength becomes his weakness in the twilight of his career. The fact that he has curried favours with no one makes it all so easy for most to turn their backs and look the other way when he is dragged into a conspiracy.

A political conspiracy that we common people do not have the knowhow or resources to fight. Yes we have the will and we will fight. But it will be a long fight. And fight for what? The rights that were due to him to begin with? The respect that the department, the politicians and the judiciary should have accorded him?

I had always considered the civil services to be too much of an effort to consider pursuing. Like so many of my peers, I chose the easy way out – to graduate with some degrees from some institutes that were the flavour of the season. I left nation building and nation saving to people with stronger moral fibre and a more capable attitude. But I always appreciated the fact that intelligence should be channeled not towards making more money for people who already have loads of money – as we in the banking industry are wont to do – but towards the greater good that is at the core of civil service. I always thought I would encourage my children to gravitate towards that eventuality or at least be courageous enough to consider it.

But if this is the way we treat our countrymen who try to make a difference, I am starting to have second thoughts. Because our politicians, corrupt bureaus of investigation and judiciary are not made up of aliens from another land, they are just a reflection of our society and our lack of understanding and utter apathy towards those who are serving us tirelessly on meager handouts of tax payers’ money. We have to understand sooner or later that food bills and aadhar cards won’t save us. Judicial reforms and police reforms are the crying need of the hour, and is the only way forward to achieving a more just and balanced society.  Regret to say that till that day comes, we have to deal with life being indeed very unfair.

But he is not done yet. Far from it. When I started off, I said that today he may not feel any joy. But I think am wrong. I think here is a man who has nothing to fear, nothing left to prove, and everything to feel proud about. A man who has lived to his principles and touched the lives of everyone he has come in contact with, earning respect, love and admiration. To his family and friends and most importantly to himself, he will always be a hero. And that is all that it takes to be a happy man. The rest, we will continue to fight for.