I was always 40

I write more in my dreams than in actual life. Every night I compose from among an array of hard hitting rants against society, deep love letters, apologies to ex-girlfriends, path breaking treatises, crime thrillers and more. Choose your night and wake me up. I will give you the next big web series idea. 

Nothing gets published. As obvious. 

But here I am on the threshold of turning 40. Wait... does that word have two "h"s or one? Never mind, I am not a grammar Nazi. Or a spell checker. Is a spell checker a subset of grammar Nazi? So yes, I must turn 40. Half life if I was radioactive. My target is to reach 78, so I am actually past half life. But who celebrates a 39th birthday with the fanfare of a blog post? So here I am. 

To publish some thoughts before I turn 40. Or the stuff that I dream. I am making it sound like I do LSD or meth or something every night. 

Now do I have any ideas on how to make a literary splash before my landmark birthday? Do I publish some sage advice for my offspring on my birthday? No, that may be something I would do on their birthday, if I considered my advice important enough, which I don't. Actually, there is no plurality in my next generation. But as and when my 8-month old son grows up enough to read this, he would be proud to note that I was doing okay on pronouns back in the days. 

The thing is I am not one to make a splash. Is that any way to lead a life? Where's the drive, where's the ambition, you say? Where's the will to be famous? To be remembered? Is this the advice you want to give to a teenager? This just seems grossly irresponsible as a father figure, a middle aged man of any respectable standing in society. 

Did you picture that middle aged man? What picture did you visualise? What would Dall-E say? I think I was always 40, but not in the way you think. Yes, I am grumpy in the mornings, I have a pot belly and my back aches at every opportunity but my hair is mostly black and my hairline does not recede, I don't talk about insurance and real estate and investments, I don't even own a house or even a car to tick the traditional boxes and I don't have control over every single thing in my life. 

Sounds happy go lucky at 25? So why 40? Because I am the boring guy. The guy who attends every party and stays till the end but does nothing memorable. The guy who commands respect in professional life but is no star who gets promoted out of turn. The guy who wants to eat less and exercise more but never finds the discipline for it. The guy who will climb the first 8000 feet of a 9000 feet mountain but will choose not to summit because the last 1000 feet is just too slippery. The guy... you get the drift. I hope. I am running out of allegories. 

In short, I have never been a risk taker. I have always run from confrontation. I have always been lazy - spoiler alert - if you never noticed the name of the website. So I have enjoyed the fountain of youth - which sounds yucky on hindsight - with a certain buffer of safety, never veering too far away from the median, always dousing fires instead of reveling in the burn. A more middle aged take on life if you will.

So what's the point? The point being, because I was always 40 and still am, I don't feel like I have aged over the last 20 years. I feel just that young or that old. As they say, age is just a number. Or the number of heavy breaths you take after 5 minutes on the football pitch. Who knows, maybe I will take a few risks from hereon, reverse aging is not that bad a concept. Till then, I will keep smiling and taking a few sips of, what else, whisky, and nod at you from the corner of the room, when we meet.

To lunch or not to lunch

Let go

Let go of your hurt, your anger

Let go of your aspirations, your exasperations

Let go of your love

Look up

Look to the skies, a bright sunny day

Look at the clouds, floating in the windy bay

Look away from me

Live on

Live like there’s no tomorrow

Live like nothing’s coming back to you

Live laugh launch

Live laugh lunch

Absolute

”Absolute”. What do you make of it? As for me, I first came in contact with this word, may be when I was in Class 3 or 4. Actually, it was in connection to “Truth”, that is, “Absolute Truth”. Many examples were provided. But I remember one, “Sun rises in the East”. It was quite all right. I never thought about it for a long time.

As I grew older though, with a more mature thought process at my disposal, I started questioning many a things, which I had taken for granted earlier. So one fine day I start thinking about this “Absolute Truth” about the sun rising in the east. What is “Sun”? We, mankind, have defined a “Ball of Fire” as “Sun”. We could have named it as Moon or any other name. So, what is absolute about it? Similarly, “East” and “Rising”. In fact, “Rising of Sun on Earth” concept, with the earth seemingly at the centre of the universe, was summarily disproved by Copernicus and then by Galileo in the 1600s, who placed the sun at the centre of the universe and not vice versa. (And today, of course, we know the universe is so much bigger than the sun and our solar system, but let us not even get into that). Yet, our language hadn’t evolved to reflect that change in “Truth”. So, my more mature thought process told me that this “Absolute Truth” was “Absolute Bogus”.

Later on in college days, I came to know of another Absolut(e), but that is a premium Vodka. This is not a place to discuss that.  

Much later in life, after completing the trials of a busy family and working life, when I finally had the time and energy to unfetter my thoughts, I realised that “Time” is also a factor in ”Absolute Truth”. Let us forget about the above definitions and other things, but after a very long period of time, maybe many billions of years later, the Sun will lose the energy and heat that it is radiating now. Slowly everything will cool down to such an extent that first there will be no existence of life form in Earth or who knows, the Universe. So, the Sun will eventually become extinct. At that time, there will again be no “Absolute Truth” of “Sun rising in the East”. So, “Time” is a defining factor for any “Absolute Truth”. What may be true now may not be true in another era.

That is the Fourth Dimension. Time will eventually affect all other dimensions.

And that is how I, a layman, came to understand the concept of the Fourth Dimension, having started with the “Absolute Truth”.

Amen.

Sujit Sarkar

25^th May, 2020.

বাঙালি ও ঈশ্বর

ভারতের অন্যান্য প্রদেশের মত বাঙালিদের ও দেবদ্বিজে যথেষ্ট ভয়ভক্তি আছে। কিন্তু বাঙালি তো আবেগপ্রবণ জাতি । শুধু ভক্তিতে কি আর থেমে থাকে? দেবদেবীরা ক্রমশই আমাদের অনেক আপন হয়ে গিয়েছে ।

ভারতের অন্যান্য প্রদেশে লোকে এখনও দেবতাদের অনেক উচ্চাসনে রাখে, বিশেষতঃ উত্তর ও দক্ষিণ ভারতে । আমাদের এই আপন করে নেওয়া বোধহয় শুরু হয়েছে চৈতন্যদেবের আমল থেকে । ভক্তিরসের প্রভাবে আমাদের ঈশ্বরের প্রতি ভয় কেটে প্রথমে ভক্তি এবং পরবর্তী কালে ক্রমশ তা ভালবাসায় পরিণত হয় । এই ভালবাসায় নির্ভর করেই ঈশ্বর আমাদের কাছের লোক হয়ে উঠেছে। তবে এটা যত সহজে বললাম তত সহজে হয়নি, বেশ কয়েক শতাব্দী সময় নিয়েছে। ধীরে ধীরে হয়েছে ।

আমাদের কথোপকথনে, আমাদের সাহিত্যে, আমাদের ব্যবহারিক জীবনে এর প্রভাব পড়েছে।
আমরা মা কালী, মা দুর্গাকে এখনো যথেষ্ট ভয় ভক্তি করি। কিন্তু গণেশ যতটা পশ্চিম ভারতে গুরুত্ব পায় কদিন আগেও এখানে পেত না। আমরা ছোটবেলায় যখন দশমীর ঘট নড়ানোর পর সব ঠাকুরকে প্রণাম করতাম তখন একবার গণেশের ভুঁড়িতে হাতও বোলাতাম।

সাহিত্যে যদি দেখি তবে প্রথমেই যেতে হয় আমাদের নিজস্ব ঠাকুরের কাছে অর্থাৎ রবি ঠাকুর। রবীন্দ্রনাথ তার অনেক কবিতা ও গানে ঈশ্বরকে বন্ধু, সখা বা প্রাণসখা বলে সম্বোধন করেছেন। আসলে রবীন্দ্রনাথ তার কবিতা ও গানে এতই আন্তরিক ঈশ্বরের প্রতি যে তার কাব্য পূজা পর্যায়ের না প্রেম পর্যায়ের বোঝা অনেক ক্ষেত্রে ই মুশকিল । নজরুলও তাকে “বিরাট শিশু” বলে সম্বোধন করেছেন। সুনীল গঙ্গোপাধ্যায় তো কবিতায় সরস্বতীর প্রতি রোমান্টিক মনোভাব ও প্রকাশ করেছেন।

বাঙালির আগমনীর গানও এক সম্পূর্ণ অন্য আঙ্গিকের। আমরা ডাকসাইটে মহিষাসুরমর্দিনীকে একেবারে ঘরের মেয়ে উমা হিসেবে আমাদের ঘরে আবাহন করেছি। ঈশ্বরের প্রতি এই একান্ত ঘরোয়া আচরণ বোধহয় সর্বতোভাবেই অনন্য। বিজয়ার বিষাদসুরের সঙ্গে আমরা সধবা কন্যার পুত্র কন্যা সহ স্বামীগৃহে প্রত্যাবর্তনের বেদনা একাকার করে ফেলেছি। মা উমার সাথে সিঁদূর খেলাও একান্তই বাঙালির নিজস্ব ।

শিবের গাজন নিয়ে ও একই কথা বলা যায় । অন্যান্য প্রদেশের দোর্দণ্ডপ্রতাপ মহাদেব আমাদের বাউন্ডুলে জামাই।

বাংলার লোকসংগীত এ তো আরও কাছের
করে নিয়েছি আমরা সবাইকে। দু একটা উদাহরণ ই যথেষ্ট। যেমন, “কথা কসনে লো রাই শ্যামের বড়াই বড় বেড়েছে”। এর থেকে এককাঠি উপরে “মাঈ তুমি জলে না যায়িও, কদম গাছে বসিয়া আছে কানু হারামজাদা”।

বাঙালিরা ঈশ্বরকে শুধু আসনে সাজিয়ে পুজো ই করেনা তাকে একান্তই আপন করে বুকেও স্থান
দেয়। বাঙালির ঈশ্বরের সঙ্গে এই যে অম্লমধুর সম্পর্ক এটা সত্যিই অভূতপূর্ব ও অনন্য ।

আজ এ পর্যন্তই ।

Sujit Sarkar

২৪শে মে, ২০২০

My God

I believe in God. Nothing unique. Most people do. Yes, there are some who may not. Very few among them would be non-believers right from childhood though unless they were brought up in strict non-believer households. In most cases, I guess the atheist belief starts during adulthood when they are influenced by other non-believers. In any case, Hindu doctrine has a place for everyone. Non-believer does not mean outcast. As long as one is following societal mores and basic Hindu philosophy, he is the same as any of us. One can believe consciously or subconsciously, it does not matter.

But, we digress. Let’s come to the point. What or who is God? To me He is Supreme. He is Creator (Brahma), He is Caregiver (Vishnu) and He is also Destroyer (Shiva). Basically the three faces of God. If He is Supreme, He is One. There cannot be other. Multiplicity of Supreme is not possible.

We all know about the Big Bang theory. It is not conclusively proved yet, but most probably true. Our universe is a result of that and all life form evolved from there. All good. But are we sure there are no parallel universes or multiverses? There may be billions of other universes, for all we know. So, were there other Big Bangs? Or did a single Big Bang create all the far flung universes? Hard to tell. Now, think of the total energy required to create just one universe, the bounds of which are ever unknown, let alone multiverses. What a colossal mass of energy (energy has a mass, E=MC²)! Where did this Energy come from? This is God, to my mind.

Many spiritually uplifted persons, who have realised His manifestation, have spoken of the dazzling light that is difficult to see with the naked eye. So, if this Energy is “Swambhu” then God also is “Swambhu”, as the Vedas and the Upanishadas have mentioned. And then He created this Energy which resulted in our universe and maybe others.       

Who is God? What does He look like? We, the common people imagine Him as we like. All who claim to have seen Him or felt Him though, describe the experience in different ways. This is no surprise. Let us imagine we observe Mt. Kanchenjunga. It can be seen from many places. Darjeeling, Kalingpong, Siliguri, Pelling, maybe even as far away as Raigunj if luck is on your side. It will look different from different places. Different shape, different size. So, God, who is altogether a vastly different and superior phenomenon, will definitely appear different to the different people, who may have seen or visualised Him. That’s why there is all this confusion. Some enlightened persons may have seen or visualised Him but they have definitely not described His appearance. They have propagated His other aspects but not His appearance. This leads to us the next question.

If He is Supreme, why is there is a multiplicity of god & goddesses in our Hindu culture? Believe there are various factors behind this. Firstly, it is very difficult for the masses to visualise or accept “One God” concept, because the form or appearance is missing as a construct. In the primitive ages, men were helpless against all natural forces i.e. Sun, Rain, Wind et al. So, they prayed to these forces to keep themselves safe. That’s why deities like Barun, Agni, Pawan came into the picture initially. Then we have to consider the mix of cultures in our land. When the Aryans spread to other corner parts from the north-west of India, they came in contact with the Adibashis or the original inhabitants of the land. After some initial conflict, they stayed together harmoniously and slowly a mixed culture evolved. Both sets of beliefs were accepted. So, many non-Aryan beliefs entered the main stream and led to multiplicity.

And we needed rituals and festivals in a community setting. For bonding and for entertainment. Which was important for mental well being. As people started to live in a community for protection against external forces, and villages came into existence, festivities were required to celebrate life. Marriages and such life events were few and far in between. So, Puja (worship) of deities came into fore.  Different local deities were enshrined.

Puja involves rituals. But it is also a festival. Community festivities back in the days led to multiple pujas, and multiple deities. For puja or festival purpose, we have multiple gods, but eventually we pray to Him. Now, sages had said that if you have difficulty in imagining Him as “Nirakar” (no form), then imagine Him in any form and that becomes your “Ishta Devata”(own God). Pray to Him and seek His blessings. Only those who have attained higher echelons, philosophically or spiritually, can imagine or pray to Him as “Nirakar”. Others may find it easier to pray to their respective “Ishta Devata”s in the form we like. 

Spirituality is not the same in everyone. Nor is intellect. Only at the higher levels of spirituality or intellect or both, one can conceptualise “One God” or “Nirakar”. For others it may be difficult. Slowly and eventually, they turn towards Him, but it comes through stages. Slowly, from the many facets of the “One God”, the roads converge towards the singular, which is difficult to comprehend at one go. That is another reason of multiple deities in our culture.

All through the ages, the wise sages have said “All roads leads to Him”, meaning spiritual roads. So, the journey of faith may be different, but the Goal is One. God is One. Even, recently Sri Ramakrishna said “Joto Mat Toto Path” meaning “Different Faiths are Different Paths, leading to Him only”. Swami Vivekananda has simplified it more to say “Serve all the Creatures, thus you will serve Him”. Simplest way I feel.

Mother and God is probably the only multiplicity that remains, or you can say two sides of the same coin. Mother is the nearest thing to God in our earthly life. Mothers clearly represent two of the functions of Him, Creation and Caring. The selfless love of Mothers is like His selfless love for all His creation. Mothers can also destroy all that threatens His creation. That is why mostly we worship God as a motherly figure, Durga , Kali, Chandi. This way Mother and God becomes one. We pay homage to both. Another thing to note is that the deities Durga, Kali, Chandi are all described in our Puranas as “Shakti” which again means “Energy”, the origin of the Universe.

How do you serve God? Once, Narada had asked Sri Krishna “Who is your greatest follower?” expecting to hear his own name. But to his utter surprise, Sri Krishna pointed to a farmer returning home from his field and said, “That man is. He goes to the field at the crack of dawn, toils all day, has his frugal meal there, and comes back home at sunset. After returning, he washes himself, has dinner and before going to sleep, remembers Me, and thanks me for his two square meals. He does his duty wholeheartedly and honestly and also remembers Me in his gratitude. He is the greatest follower of God. If everyone all day long only takes my name, prays to me and tries to reach Me through meditation, then how will my creations survive and flourish? For that, I require simple God loving men and women, who perform their allotted duties honestly and sincerely, and remember Me even once a day”. 

That’s all for now. Namaskar.

Sujit Sarkar

17 May 2020

Kolkata

Saluting a Hero

Heroes may retire but they don’t fade away. They will continue to inspire.

Everyone has his or her own childhood hero. My wife has had the good fortune to be inspired by one throughout her life – her father, and I have had the pleasure of knowing and admiring him from close quarters for the last 3 years or so.  Like all heroes, he does not talk too much, but believes in action. He takes the guise of an IPS officer. Yes, that much maligned and much lampooned protector of civil society. Yes, also that breed which most Bollywood reel action heroes belong to.  A police officer.  Earning less than maybe even some petty criminals and yet fighting every day to resist material temptations and bring them to book.

So we hero worship our Singhams, our Rowdy Rathores and our Chulbul Pandeys. But how do we repay our real heroes? Surely not the way our country has chosen to. As he stands on the cusp of his retirement today – a day he surely must have been looking forward to – to look back fondly in pride at his 30-plus years of achievements and accolades, he finds no joy. Only betrayal. By the same system he once embraced wholeheartedly and tried very hard to make a difference.

He tried to attempt what few police officers attempt to do – took the hard stance with crime, earned the respect of all and sundry, stayed fair, stayed clean and did not succumb to any undue pressure. He was good enough to instill fear, real fear in those who were in the wrong. Yes, he was a very high ranking police officer. But you don’t see his palatial houses being built in every corner of the state. You don’t see him standing next to the minister’s daughter at every wedding. Yet what was his strength becomes his weakness in the twilight of his career. The fact that he has curried favours with no one makes it all so easy for most to turn their backs and look the other way when he is dragged into a conspiracy.

A political conspiracy that we common people do not have the knowhow or resources to fight. Yes we have the will and we will fight. But it will be a long fight. And fight for what? The rights that were due to him to begin with? The respect that the department, the politicians and the judiciary should have accorded him?

I had always considered the civil services to be too much of an effort to consider pursuing. Like so many of my peers, I chose the easy way out – to graduate with some degrees from some institutes that were the flavour of the season. I left nation building and nation saving to people with stronger moral fibre and a more capable attitude. But I always appreciated the fact that intelligence should be channeled not towards making more money for people who already have loads of money – as we in the banking industry are wont to do – but towards the greater good that is at the core of civil service. I always thought I would encourage my children to gravitate towards that eventuality or at least be courageous enough to consider it.

But if this is the way we treat our countrymen who try to make a difference, I am starting to have second thoughts. Because our politicians, corrupt bureaus of investigation and judiciary are not made up of aliens from another land, they are just a reflection of our society and our lack of understanding and utter apathy towards those who are serving us tirelessly on meager handouts of tax payers’ money. We have to understand sooner or later that food bills and aadhar cards won’t save us. Judicial reforms and police reforms are the crying need of the hour, and is the only way forward to achieving a more just and balanced society.  Regret to say that till that day comes, we have to deal with life being indeed very unfair.

But he is not done yet. Far from it. When I started off, I said that today he may not feel any joy. But I think am wrong. I think here is a man who has nothing to fear, nothing left to prove, and everything to feel proud about. A man who has lived to his principles and touched the lives of everyone he has come in contact with, earning respect, love and admiration. To his family and friends and most importantly to himself, he will always be a hero. And that is all that it takes to be a happy man. The rest, we will continue to fight for. 

A lilting ode to nothing

This is the story of 3 lost souls and how they spent a 4 day long weekend ... Chinese New Year in Singapore, doing next to nothing ... well well who's to define what is nothing?

The weekend was most importantly, one man's journey in search of love and how he found 2 knights on his way... they travelled miles and miles on foot ... getting help from well wishers ... our hero's passion kept the group moving forward... but our hero had nothing to gift to his loved one ... then mother earth told him to collect flowers from her gardens ... and make the girl a red bouquet ... and so they did with gay abandon ... while the quaint people of Lion City watched on in such astonishment ...

Then when our hero finally met his princess ... he sang songs for her ... and then there was a lot of eating and merry making for the entire village in this happy moment ...

And then there was also this unheard of incident of highest human compassion ... celebrating the existence of fellow co-inhabitants on this earth ... an elitisit celebration of life in every form ... even when the life is less intelligent than that of us ... so bourgeois yet so cute ...

And finally, the knights celebrated their valour with 2 days of rest ... punctuated by small feasts to celebrate the quaint people's new year, and a run feast at the garden of edens ...

They also ate orange fruits gifted by the strange men, and had visions of men staring at goats ... while one of them so valiantly tried to finish an odd shaped bottle ... filled with a shimmering amber liquid ...

P.S. All credit to Anoop. P.S.

R E S P E C T

We have all seen able men. We have all seen brave men. Or have we? I, for one, have not had to look very far. As my dad turns 60 today, let me take this opportunity to salute him and the other dads of his generation – who have given much but not taken much in return. Who have opted for stability, and never bothered about all the so-called “options” in life. And in turn, opened up all the options for the next generation – us – to choose from.

While it may seem facile to thank our parents, I will again take this opportunity. So, thanks, Baba, for being the perfect gentleman always and inspiring us to emulate your integrity and humility. Thanks for taking the pains to find the perfect ilish maach every time I came home and for inculcating the love of eating – well, almost anything. (There’s always time to compliment Ma’s cooking, of course). Thanks for writing some of the best English and Bengali I have come across in my life and letting us know that the languages will stay with us, equations will come and go. (Which also means thanks for ghostwriting so many homework essays during my school days).

Thanks for watching so many World Cups and Wimbledons with us and braving Ma’s protests in doing the same. Thanks for teaching us to drive, swim and ride a bike – especially the latter! And thanks for believing in us and not bothering about our exams and results too much, unless we got 60 odd in Mathematics. And finally, among countless other things, thanks for getting our priorities right and putting our hearts in the right place. So cheers and here’s hoping you enjoy the next phase of your life to the fullest as well! Happy 60th Birthday, Baba!

Sarkar Raaz

Being a sucker for diversity, here's something to lighten up the mood after all the ethical and moralistic soul-searching that I led my readers to do, after my previous post.

One fine day, sometime in the month of February 2006, we notice our protagonist, a guy named Suvro Sarkar walking towards the office of a guy (well actually, respected Professor) named Sahadeb Sarkar, then Dean of PGP, IIM Calcutta, accompanied by a certain PGP Representative who later became famous as the private statistics tutor for the damsels in distress of our junior batch - but that's an entirely different story and hopefully, the damsels in question may someday add more colour to the episode. At this point, we stop to ask ourselves - what is our protagonist doing here? He has not been seen much to hobnob with the academic faculty, and today he's headed towards the most feared and viled dungeon of all - the PGP office! We asked him later and we reproduce the contents of his reponse verbatim below:

Top Secret Mission: To secure a fresh date for his STEP (Student Exchange Programme) interview, which he had missed, having been away from campus for a week to attend his brother's wedding.

He goes inside the Dean's room, and the PGP Rep decides to abondon him at this point, having more urgent matters to look into - or so we suppose - and so from here on, its a battle of the Sarkars.

Sahadeb (SDS): Yes? Who are you?

Suvro (SVS): Sir, I am Suvro Sarkar (stressing on the Sarkar part, to emphasize possible kinship), 1st year PGDCM student, Sir.

SDS: So what can I do for you?

SVS: Sir, I have a request. Sir, I missed my STEP interview...I had my brother's wedding to attend, Sir. Is it possible to reschedule my interview to today or tomorrow?

SDS: So you were away to attend your brother's wedding?

SVS: Yes sir.

SDS: Which day to which?

SVS: (calculating fast to reduce the number of days as far as possible) 1st to 5th feb, Sir (feeling pretty sure he can bank on senior Sarkar to feel nostalgic about Bengali weddings and let the point drop)

SDS: So, 5 days.

SVS: Yes sir! (feeling inordinately proud of his institute, now that he is sure his Dean can count).

SDS: Have you read the PGP rules book?

SVS: (trying best to appear truthful, unsure where all this is leading) Yes sir.

SDS: Did you miss the point that you have to inform the PGP Office if you are out of campus for more than 2 working days?

SVS: Oh! is there such a point Sir? (oh, that did not come out the way he would have ideally wanted it to - more of a spontaneous reaction he might regret).

SDS: So you did not think it important to read the rule book? (and regret he does)

SVS: (on the backfoot, well and truely) No Sir, I've read it, Sir. This one skipped my mind, Sir.

SDS: So you think you are above all such rules eh? If you good students do like this, what will happen? Eh?

SVS: (taken aback at the assumptions of moral and ethical standards of "good" students) Sir, good student...no sir, I am sorry Sir - I have read the rule book - just missed that point - won't happen again, Sir - I'm very sorry, Sir.

SDS: So you missed 5 days of classes I see.

SVS: Unfortunately, Sir.

SDS: Hmmm...who did you ask to mark ur proxies?

SVS: (aghast - trying to look like someone who has never heard the word proxy before in his whole life) What - me sir? Proxy- sir? No no, I don't believe in proxies, sir.

SDS: Oh is that so? (calls out to one of the clerical staff) Udayyyy (or watever the name was), bring me the - what section are you? - section C - attendance files for 1st to 5th feb...

SVS: (hoping that his over-enthu classmates had not been foolish enough to mark any signatures against his reg number) No problem, Sir...you wont find any proxies, Sir (trying to sound belligerent and brave)

SDS: (flipping through one or two sheets and not finding any proof against our protagonist) Okk I'll ask the PGP Office people to go through all the sheets in detail (proof of how jobless they are, usually)...you can go now - and give me the application you brought - I'll sign it.

SVS: (relieved) Thank you, Sir! and I'm very sorry, Sir about not informing PGP Office.

So our protagonist went on to live another day and sat through the STEP interview and then opted out of it - all this for nothing! - but that again, is another story. There were some other side effects, though, of the above episode. The attendance sheets were indeed checked - no proxies were found against his name (for the benefit of doubting Thomases, he had categorically instructed all his friends not to mark any before he left for his brother's wedding, having calculated that he was reasonably above water in terms of attendance in all the subjects) - but a pattern of regular proxies were found against many other names and as a result, attendances cancelled en masse, students summoned and warned- sparking large scale rows and debates, and putting an end to the mass-scale proxy signature campaigns as had been practised in the previous two semesters at Joka.

Friends, Romans, countrymen - I believe you will herewith bless our revered protagonist for accidentally removing one of the most widespread social evils in Jokaland, which was threatening to erode the very moral fibres of one and all. Hail the protagonist!

Odd one out

The 40” Samsung LCD wall mounted television in our department was turned on a few days ago when news started to filter in about the quake in Sichuan province of China. The official toll started off with 1 killed, 4 injured and 900 students buried but gradually grew to about 10,000 by the time the next day’s newspapers went to press. Our technical analyst, a middle aged bachelor fond of deciphering charts and eating junk food, immediately sprung up and asked around if any company had exposure to the region (before you ask, I am part of an equity research house and we issue recommendations to investors on stocks we follow). Colleagues looked at their coverage and started calling up corporates to enquire about their assets in the region around Chengdu and Chongqing in Sichuan province. Nobody called up to express concern and ask whether their employees or their families were safe, though. Struck me as very odd. I couldn’t bring myself to call up any of my companies to enquire about possible delays in project completions and the like. Guess I am not cut out for this industry. As our technical analyst joked “Your pain, my gain” and issued calls to short any stocks with projects in the affected region, to the accompaniment of quite a few snorts and sneers from other colleagues, I wondered whether the scent of money has indeed, become stronger than the scent of pain, blood and suffering. Or, for that matter, the scent of power, as the military junta in Myanmar has strived to prove.

Your girlfriend must be really beautiful!

This is what a certain Mr. Tony Ho, SVP (Sales & Marketing), Contel Corporation, had to say to me when he had realized the full implication of what I was attempting to do. It was 6:30 in the evening, I was in a car in a perpetually smoggy forbidden provincial town in China called Dongguan and I was attempting to cross the border some 80 km away and reach Hong Kong that night. All this for a 12-14 hour stay, since I'd have to leave HK (assuming I reached there) by 12 PM latest next morning to have any hopes of getting on my return flight to Singapore. Before you ask, the flight was from Shenzhen Int'l Airport. And just half an hour ago, I didn't have a single Yuan on me.

Okk...cut...rewind rewind rewind...

The trip I'm talking about is a plant visit organized for Singapore analysts and fund managers by a Singapore-listed Chinese consumer electronics manufacturer called Contel Corp. The plant is in Dongguan, one of the big three cities in the affluent Pearl River Delta region of China, just aft of Hong Kong. And the nearest airport is in Shenzhen, which is the electronics workshop of the world and also the nearest point on the mainland from Hong Kong. Well the airport is strictly not in Shenzhen but lets leave that for later.

So this trip of mine was initially planned to happen in the last week of September but was postponed owing to lack of interest among other participants. Back then, I was a trifle disappointed since I was quite aware of the proximity of Hong Kong and Shenzhen and on paper, a journey to and forth seemed quite do-able. Anyhow, chance presented itself once again 2-3 weeks later and the trip was happening this time on the 17th and 18th of October.

Early morning flight and I head for the airport in an early morning taxi. Finally, I find myself on the flight, next to a kiddish looking guy and a senior looking guy, who I supposed were also on the same analyst visit. The kiddish guy really turned out to be a kid, fresh out of graduate school into one of the local brokerages. The older guy was indeed, an industry veteran, who had retired from professional life to run his personal investment firm with his family's money. Towards the end of the flight, when people start planning how best to spend the night in Dongguan, I deem it imminent to break the news that I won't be there, as I would be going to Hong Kong. "So you are flying back from Hong Kong eh?" "No, I'll meet you guys back at Shenzhen!” I see some dumbfounded faces around me. But being peaceful Singaporeans, they don't press the matter any further apart from assuming that I must be on some kind of illicit mission to make so much effort worth the while.

I let them assume whatever they could and then I made the biggest mistake of the trip. We land in Shenzhen; I come out of the airport with the group, and being the organizer-type, start hunting around for the tour bus assigned to us and conveniently forget about foreign exchange! Halfway on the hour-long bus-ride to Dongguan, I realize this stark truth and my mood gets gloomier while the others sleep it off. The surroundings don't help at all but I'll spare you a description of the journey on the highways of China. Suffice to say that it is not a pretty sight - especially being accustomed to the lush green paddy fields along NH2 (the erstwhile Grand Trunk Road) and NH6 (Bombay Road) of West Bengal. Probably, with modern marvels like the Singur car factory coming up, we'll get to see less of the same, too.

Having reached Dongguan, and having disembarked at the hotel, I wonder aloud if I might find some transportation to Hong Kong from the hotel premises in the hope that some fellow analyst would care to translate and ask the hotel guys. The only female in our group was a pretty friendly one and she takes pains to find out, from various sources, including the doorman, concierge and tourist booklets, that the last bus to HK leaves at 5:30 PM. Realistically, we couldn't be back to the hotel by that time - my plant visit starts at 2 PM! My spirits suitably dampened, I seat myself at the lunch table and nibble at meats of various species while acquainting myself with executives from Contel. The COO, on hearing my HK predicament, immediately rushes off to enquire about options from the hotel management, but in spite of all the blessings I showered on him and his family, he returns with nothing new. Ditching the tasteless desserts and fetching my bag from my room, I saunter confidently towards the reception desk, where I'd hitherto spotted a foreign exchange counter. Woe and dismay, for they only convert HKD and USD. A big jolt for the Singapore Dollar and to the egos of the Singaporean analyst team. I sms my friend in Hong Kong, asking her not to wait up for me.


The gloomy day turns gloomier as we drive deeper into a perpetual haze covered country interspersed with gaunt white buildings. One of them turns out to be our final destination - Contel factory. After a boring presentation, we get to the Q&A session - and I am praying that my fellow analysts keep their interrogation short. However, it seems that they are intent to know all kinds of inane stuff in glorious detail and I am left in the lurches, counting the minutes as time rolls on beyond 4 PM. After what seemed an eternity, Tony, whom I have introduced before, suggests we proceed on the plant tour as the employees' shift would end shortly. I skip along with the Group, not deigning to ask a single question of the management in truly unprofessional analyst style (though I would end up as the only analyst filing in a plant visit note). As dusk envelops the hazy environs, I am itching to make a dash for the hotel or train station or bus station or somewhere. But not having a single Yuan in my pocket, kind of thwarts all my instincts and I wait for the ordeal to finish. When it’s eventually over, and we have seen assembly lines churning out electronic guitars for video games and LCD TVs and VCD recorders and all sorts of other useless stuff at one-tenth the price that Walmart and Circuit City retail them for, we get back to the Boardroom.

They gift us an E-Bible (if anyone is interested, I can forward it) and people take a lot of time to move out. I place my pleading eyes on Tony and Lip Kee (the CFO) and Tony (good man!) asks around for the best way to get to HK. 6 PM already. I had done extensive research on the Internet, which had informed me of trains at 7 40 PM and 8 40 PM, direct to some station in HK, but they seemed to have no knowledge of it. As I keep getting more despondent, the guy says there is a train to Shenzhen at 6:30 - do I want to try that? It seems people can cross the border there to HK. Of course, what are we waiting for? Our car, the CFO offers, rather apologetically. Some hope, at last, but there remains one last barrier to cross. Currency. And no bank will be open at 6 PM. I turn to the CFO. " Excuse me, do you have some extra Yuan on you? Can I pay you in SGD now...say 500 Yuan or so?" Flustered for a while, the guy fishes out five 100-Yuan notes as we settle on a willing buyer-willing seller exchange rate of 5 Yuan to a Singapore Dollar. "You might use it when you go down to Singapore once in a while", I offer helpfully. Phew! I had currency. Confidence back, I steel myself for a lonesome journey from nowhere to anywhere.

On the journey from the factory to the hotel where the management guys got off, the CEO, CFO and COO of Contel Corp offered me valuable advice on the dos and don'ts of travelling in China. "As long as you have your passport and your money with you, you are safe." "Keep my number. Any problem and you call me. Even if you lose your money, don't lose your mobile". "You know, if you get off and walk on this road, there is no guarantee you will not be robbed right now." Very helpful, all, but it left me feeling much less confident than I initially was. "So how many times you have been to China?” First time, Tony, first time. "So you can speak Mandarin?” NO. "You have been to Hong Kong before, right?" NO. "This is your first time in China, you can't speak the language, and it will be your first time in Hong Kong. And you are travelling across the border, in the evening. BOY, your girlfriend must be REALLY beautiful!!!" And, content in their assumption, they all had a hearty laugh about it. Not really wishing to contest their theory or interrupt their mirth, I joined in. "Oh yes, she is. Good guess, Tony!”

So they get down and the driver takes me to the train station. He gets down, locks the car and comes with me to the train station. Oh no, I can't read a single thing anywhere. It’s all Chinese (no, not Greek). I look on gratefully as the driver-chappie goes to the ticket counter, buys 2 tickets and hands me one. Without a murmur, I follow him as he rushes off towards the platform, and I'm relieved when a train rolls in 2 minutes later, which has a "Shenzhen" sign in English. As I try to push a 100-Yuan note into the helpful chappie's hand for the ticket, he refuses to have to do anything with it and instead motions me on to the train. An empty compartment beckons and I'm about to be in for a shock as the train covers the entire 90km stretch at an average speed of 160km/hr and in some stretches 180km/hr. If you are wondering how I calculated the speed, there was a LCD panel above the door of the compartment, which indicated as much. It took me about 45 minutes I think to cover the stretch. Whoa - China rocking!

As I get down at Shenzhen and follow the direction signs reading Hong Kong, I am reminded of what Tony had earlier told me - "When you exit the train station, you will see the Shangri-La Hotel. Don't go towards it. Go to the building in the opposite direction. You will find the immigration counters on the first or second floor. Be very careful!" - so I follow the signboards and eventually exit the train station at street level. I can see the Shangri-La at some distance but the signboards saying HK have petered out. So I walk all the way to the Shangri-La, click a few photos of night-time Shenzhen and discover that the only building that could be opposite it was the point where I had started walking. No problemos. I am way ahead of time, anyway, thanks to that super fast train. I meander back to the building and find the Chinese immigration counters on the first level. Forms filled out and they happily let me leave China. Oh did I forget to mention that my visa was a double entry visa. I had to re-enter PRC again the next afternoon for my flight back to Singapore.

After a pretty long walk through corridors and bridges of no-man's land, I somehow reach the HK immigration counter and after the guy had taken a look at my Indian passport, and heard my story about landing in Shenzhen, going to Dongguan, returning to Shenzhen, crossing over to HK, then back again and on to Singapore, he must have assumed I'm part of some currency racket on some quick errand. So I'm promptly shipped to the senior immigration officer's office to be interviewed. Frustrating wait and then I shove down the visiting cards of CEOs, CFOs and the like down the interviewer's throat in a brave attempt at intimidation. Bored with my version of events, he lets me continue on my journey of discovery. Dignity restored, I find a restroom, change out of my formals and fork out my maps of the Hong Kong public transport system. Having worked out my destination, I reach the ticket counter, only to realize the currency of business has changed. Bang opposite was a money exchanger, probably offering the worst rates in town, having set up shop to cater to morons like me. HKD in hand, I now had a ticket to East Tsim Sha Tsui (ETST). It was 7 30 when I had reached Shenzhen - it was past 9 PM now.

Anyhow, I reached ETST and then found the interchange to Tsim Sha Tsui - the subway/train system is way too complicated compared to Singapore - and here I met up with my friend AJ. I'll leave out the details of the remainder of the night except for the fact that the time between 2 AM and 4 AM found me having a few drinks with a banker friend of mine in Hong Kong's famed Lan Kwai Fong district and the remainder of the night till 8 AM found me sleeping it off on some other unsuspecting friend's sofa. The next morning brought with it my first glimpse of the great city in natural light and it was quite awesome and much beyond my expectations. There is a certain life in the people and a vibrant all-pervading spirit, quite reminiscent of Calcutta. I guess having a planned city takes the fun out of it. The narrow roads, congested alleys, British styled architecture, street side vendors, and modern high-rises jostling for space all lend to the unique aura the Hong Kong emanates. Singapore, by comparison, is sterile and lifeless.

So having taken in the sights and sounds, I now turn my attention to my return journey. I had gathered from various sources that the ferry from HK across the Pearl River Delta to Shenzhen is the quickest and most convenient way of getting to the airport. Smugly complacent in this knowledge, AJ and I call up the ferry companies but as luck would have it, all are fully booked. 11 AM in Hong Kong and I still have no transportation. Flight back at 4 PM. Will I make it? Tension tension. Train would take one hour to the border. God knows how much time at immigration. And then no clue how to reach the airport from Shenzhen train station and I had a fair idea it was 30 km away. No Tony and no driver-chappie to help me out this time around. I am pretty much royally screwed.

We make our way to the nearest ferry terminal in the hope of some ferry company we had missed out on but we can't even make out which boat is headed where, far less, when. Just when I'm beginning to think that I have to risk the train journey, we find ourselves standing in front of a bus terminal with colourful buses sporting Shenzhen/
Guangzhou signs. After some painful attempts at communication, we discern that a bus for Shenzhen airport will be leaving in about 10 minutes, but I'll have to change buses in between. Still not convinced that I am on the right bus, I try to ask the driver when we would be reaching the destination, but he remained unconvinced too. Running out of options and having already purchased a 100 HKD ticket, I decide to risk it and wave goodbye to AJ and Hong Kong.

A Good Samaritan on the bus decides to be my interpreter for the rest of the bus trip and safely guides me through all the formalities on either sides of the border. Finally, some pretty girls in traditional costumes notice a pink bus company sticker on my shirt as I come out of Shenzhen bus terminal and take me to a mini-bus and a short bus journey later, I'm inside Shenzhen Int'l Airport within one and a half hours of leaving Hong Kong. Wow! A fitting finale to a whale of an adventure. I'm damn pleased as I make my way home and promise to write about it someday. That day is finally here!

P.S. Took me about 6 months to pen this down. Apologies to all concerned :)

An Attempt at Narcissism

And hereby, my comeback into the blog arena is being marred by a controversial self-obsessed post, itself inspired primarily by the Orkut profile of Suneet Kumar (well to put it into perspective - even he saw it on a friend's profile so I guess IPR is not much of an issue here).
So here goes my attempt at telling things about myself in a cute way - Its Just About Me :

* My favorite colour is light green. Don’t ask me why.

* I have about 30 friends who would hate me if I didn’t make it to their wedding. I can’t possibly make 30 trips to India in the next 4 years, though. Maaf karna, bhailog.

(Update 1 - 04/03/2009 - I've already missed those of Dhingra, Satrajit & Yash)

* I prefer co-operation to competition. In a competitive environment, I’ll be a dove. As a general rule, I dislike hawks.

* I measure time by minutes and not every 5 minutes. If the time is 4:24, I won’t say its 4:30 or even 4:25.

* I can be the most mature and responsible guy you have ever met, or the kiddiest. Depends on whether you are male or female.

* I prefer tea to coffee.

* The only virtual games I have played with any hint of proficiency are Snake III and RoadRash.

* My favourite novelist is P.G. Wodehouse. If you haven’t read him, you won’t understand me fully, ever.

* I think I’ll make a good boyfriend and an even better husband.

* I wait for Friday every week coz it’s the only day I can arrive in office in jeans.

* I want to do some kind of service to society some day. No clue how to go about it.

* I don’t dream big. Never have. Never will. Take life as it comes.

* I want people to appreciate me at work.

* I love kids. And I don’t like people who don’t.

* I derive much of my strength in life from Joydev. I won’t even begin to describe what this association means to me.

* Illumination and Controls are two of the best things to have happened in my life.

* I have really ever loved only two places – Durgapur and Kolkata. Surprisingly, I miss the cities more than the people I know there.

* I am a hopeless romantic optimist and spend much of my time thinking about non-existent females in my life.

* I have a very good memory when it comes to names, phone numbers, license plates, roads, directions, birthdays and the like. I could never memorize a poem for more than 2 days though.

* I'm a very good listener. Another way of saying that I’m not much of a conversationalist.

* I’m very good at 29. My father never taught me bridge.

* I am one of the few drinkers I know who used to like vodka and whisky equally. Now scotch is all I can tolerate. Never much a sucker for rum, though.

* I can flirt with girls effortlessly while chatting.

* I'm very bad at interviews and group discussions. Hopefully will not have to encounter too many of those in future

* I stayed awake for 61 hours once.

* I used to be a loner and liked it. Till DFE, Patel Hall happened.

* I am a big unabashed foodie. I am recently trying to master the art of filling my own stomach.

* I can play passable soccer, table tennis and badminton.

* I want to have a Fusball table in my house one day, a la Joey and Chandler.

* I have experienced wild weight swings. From 67 kg pre-IIT to 52 kg in 3rd year to 65 kg now.

* I like to dance when I am drunk. I only like to dance when I’m drunk, though. And not with girls.

* I'm usually superficially unfazed in all kinds of situations. As they say, mujhe kabhi load nahin hota.

* I like watching new Hindi releases and don’t much care about reviews.

* I hate chewing gum and bubble gum.

* My sleep is getting lighter these days. Still, do not expect me to pick up your call if I’m sleeping.

* I maintain that cigarettes are highly injurious to health. My health is deteriorating sharply.

* Thums Up is the only carbonated drink I’ve ever liked. Mountain Dew came close.

* Last but not the least, I’m not very innovative or creative, but I can write well. Proof of the pudding is in the eating :))



Okk I must admit - I was bribed one bottle of Jack Daniels to write this post ;)

The race I never ran...

Of late, I have been getting this sinking feeling that I'm losing the race. What race, do u say? Well, for the moment, let it suffice to say that this is a race that the organizers do not know of, and hence, they haven't advertised it nor they have kept any prize reserved for the winner. If that still does not satisfy you, consider it as just another figment of my not too fertile imagination.

The race was never meant to be in the first place. 'Coz there are no other runners. I am running the race alone. At least ostensibly. I forced it upon myself to participate and now I find myself at the crossroads, not knowing which way leads to victory. But I am just too attached to this long distance run of mine to give it up so easily. I'll continue running as I have been doing for the past two years. This race has not brought any rewards to me, neither any accolades. On the contrary, it has caused me untold pain. But it has been worth it. It has been an experience worth reliving.

As I continue my journey unto life, this one race of mine and the sights and sounds associated with it will continue to provide a source of sustenance as nothing else. The race has been long and arduous. But I have been hallucinating of late. Of late, I have being seeing people on the stands, watching me run and laughing at me. Often have I wondered at their mirth. They think that I'm running this race for the prize. I laugh back at them for their naivete. They can have the prize, for all I care. I haven't even thought of the prize, for God's sake!

But as I stated earlier, I'm finding it difficult to continue running at the same pace and with the ame vigour as before. Something seems to be lacking. The sights and sounds have changed. don't get the same thrill out of running anymore. Have those spectators spoiled my fun? Maybe...maybe not. I can't pinpoint the reasons. I am getting tired. I can see but emptiness staring at me with her unforgiving eyes, daring me to continue the race.

I believe I have strength just about enough for one last sprint. One concentrated effort. One last try. One last attempt to breast that tape which seems to move for ever and for ever away as I run forward. Should I preserve the strength and continue my lacklustre race or should I make that one last effort? What lies on the other side? The crossroads seem neverending...

Summer's Placement 4: The Final Cut

People say all's well that ends well. I used to hold the same view. Now, I believe all's well that ends. Bringing you the concluding part of the six day saga that brought me into very close contact with my soul, forced me to ask lots of questions and helped me know lots of people inside out. Key learnings...isn't that the term? Nywayz lets join our protagonist at the beginning of Slot2.

Day5:
8:30 am
Okk so a new day and a new beginning awaited me as I brought out my 3rd new shirt and hoped for the best. Lots of shortlists. Today I'm bound to be busy. Lets hope things get over early. Wishful thinking!!!
Day starts. Nestle calling. GDs. How I hate them. Its like letting loose herd of hungry lions on a rabbit. You never know what the interviewers are looking for in a GD. What are the criteria? The maximum airtime? The critical points? The moderator role? I don't know. Never will. But one thing I made sure on this day. Maximum effort. I redefined my GD styles. More as the day wears on.

11:00 am
Have had 4 GDs I guess till now. Pretty insipid stuff till now. Problem now seems to be that I meet the same motley group of people in every GD. Guess Controls is using some optimal scheduling algorithm. I'll work for Controls in the finals, I think. This is interesting stuff. Complex non linear programming I guess. NP hard ???

12:00-4:00 pm
Flurry of GDs. From one room to another. Oh btw, I actually start a GD. Hehe. This is fun. Who am I? I no longer know myself. Somehow manage to squeeze in lunch. These packet lunches are fun, too. Seems like a picnic. Life is fun.

4:00-8:00 pm
Or is it? Entering the double digit GD region now. And I know I have the SAP 2nd round interview sometime in the evening. I need some time to chill out before that! Do I have time? Spend 1 hour waiting for a guy to make it 8 guys for a GD. Lady on the panelist want to ride a bike around the campus. Infra team frantically search for equipment. This is one team I won't join! What a life! Place rep calling on cell. SAP at 8:30.

8:30-9:30 pm
Nervewracking half an hour wait before the interview. Another telephonic round. Start scribbling notes. The phone rings at 9. Pick it up. Rehearsed opening line. The guy starts speaking. And keeps speaking. Arre lemme speak, too! I must do something. So I do. After every two sentences, I rephrase his words and throw it back at him. Nice strategy. Seems to be working. I don't know what this interview was meant to judge. Anyway, he hangs up and wishes me luck. Is that a good sign or a bad sign? Do I need the luck elsewhere?

Dude no time for that crap. Next stop Agrotech GD. Hurry up. The whole group is waiting for me. How do they expect me to come out of my interview inertia so soon! This is ridiculuous!

9:30-11:00 pm
I felt like screaming "I told you so!" when I came out of the room after the GD. Never opened my mouth even once. By the time I realised that a GD was in progress, it was too far gone!
Next stop ITC interview. Oh well, finally ITC realizes my worth and shortlists me after the GD.
Good goin, ITC but I guess our only relationship will be Wills Navy Cut. Made for each other? Don't think so. 11:00 pm and still not done. Can you believe it? I can't. Times Group calling. Get it done with.

11:30 pm
Finally I make it back to the arena. Whew!!! What a day. Can't believe so much action in one day. I don't know where I'm getting the energy after 5 long days. Pure adrenalin? People I did not know yesterday are friends now. Sharing the same adversity brings people much closer, I guess. And not sharing it or even trying to does alienate people. Lots of lessons life teaches. And finally, now that I have time to think, the goosebumps start all over again. What if not SAP? When will they declare the damn result? Why is the placerep not calling? Why does the front desk never call my reg no and send me to the place office? Why not? Why me?

Day 6

7:30 am
Know what? I have a direct interview call from Coats India. Lucky me! After a very nervewracking night and desperately seeking to stay calm, I wait in the arena. Breakfast? No thank you, sir! Oh btw my cuffs are dirty. RR's room and his shirt. His tie proved lucky for RS. Will the shirt do the same for me? Lets see. But I guess the term lucky was fast losing significance!!!

8:30 am
Front desk calling. Where to, dude? Which GD? Place office. My heart skips a beat. Place office, finally??? Will my prayers be answered finally? Try not to think. The next few minutes are a happy daze. I got through. I am supposed to tank interviews for the rest of the day.

I feel like sinking to the ground. Relief. Nothing else. I am numbed.

And I am happy. For the simple reason that I can now officially tell the bloody interviewers to go to hell and stay there, for all I'm concerned. Go to hell, people. Enough is enough. Bahut ho gaya nautanki!!!

Rest of the Day
Go around in that suit, which now feels like second skin, screwing up interviews left, right and centre and leaving behind baffled interviewers in my wake. This is fun. This is absolute bliss. Life never felt so good. Perverse pleasure maybe, but pleasure nevertheless. Retribution, perhaps? Finally changed to my jeans and kicked off the shoes. Ahh how good does it feel to have the simple things in life!

That's about the end of the story. Fantastic experience, without a doubt. Missed only two things in the entire process. Otherwise seen all and done all. Couldn't do the voluntary stuff and hence, missed the chance of helping others. And two, did not savour the experience of companies making a pitch. However, no regrets. You never get all the good things at one go! But how do you define the good things in life? Okk...I won't get philosophical...enjoy!!!

Summer's Placement 3: Slot 1

Woh lamhe...woh raate...koi na jaane...thi kaisi baate...
Seriously it gives me the shivers whenver I think of those nights when I slept with uneasiness gnawing at my heart and all the time knowing that I had to take adequate rest to perform from early morning the next day. Frustration, exhaustion, fear, doubt, attempts at motivation, all rolled into that one little head in the darkness and calm of the night...it was a nightmarish few nights!

I'll skip day 2 of the process since nothing much happened really. Had one GD and being the first one in the process, you seriously should not expect me to perform! An HR consultancy firm decided to interview me and posed all sorts of situational questions to which I had standard kgpian answers of Illumination and other Hall activities...how the hell are we supposed to conjure up situations that wud compare with those having work experience? Anywayz, no cribbing! Oh yes...another GD in the evening and one of the topics I remember!!! "The humble farmer and Murthy"--plz enlighten me with your views if u have any...personally I took affront at the topic and decided not to make the effort of speaking!

Day 3: Slot 1
7 am
Wake up to find my name on just one new shortlist out of some 5-6. HLL Sales n Mktg wants me. Very nice, indeed! I' m absolutely cut out for marketing!!! Somehow get over the newfound frustration and make it to the arena.

8 am
Back in the same suit, new shirt, same tie. New faces arriving. Old faces there, too. Everybody raring to go. The wait starts, yet again.

11:30 am
Can u believe it? I'm still waiting and I have multiple shortlists today! Have the guys at controls gone nuts? Is my reg no. missing from their list. I'm turning paranoid.

12 pm
My day is made. HLL calling for a GD. Nice start. Some topic about killing a character in a saas-bahu soap opera. Goes passably well. Get up to go. Oh no...what's this. Another GD? Back to back? At that point I start hating all marketing companies and as a mark of sincere protest, desist from speaking.

1 pm to 7 pm
A blur. That's all remains of this period. I'd heard that people forget the name of the company they are interviewing with. I was lucky that didnt happen with me. I forget the exact no. of interviews I had, interpersed with a few GDs, one of which (E n Y) went well! (I was actually performing at GDs...man am i changed!)

8 pm
Back to room after dinner. Lots of small talk. Irrelevant. Try to think about my chances tomorrow. Not feeling very confident. Another bad night.

Day 4: Slot 1

8:30 am-12 pm
Okk today I'm out of the arena in a flash. Thank u controls. Couldn't have tolerated a third day of that fag-mint-wait routine. Had 4 interviews back-to-back. Interestingly, I was a very confused man at the end of it all. One Systems firm, one Fin, one Consult, one Marketing...my core competency had changed so many times during a stretch of 2 hours that I did not know whom I was bluffing! Man I must really have confused the interviewers. I'm not sure whether I highlighted the right focus area at the right place. By that time, I had almost stopped caring. Thought of giving my best. Just not doing it.

5pm
Not much activity the rest of the day. No other shortlists. People again start getting offers. RS makes it ti Citi finally. First kgp conversion in the slot. Me and Y start walking aimlessly. Arnie has an offer, too. Many ppl smiling. Me burning? Offers to be declared at 7.

6 pm
SAP shortlist out. 6 names. Mine included. A sharp pang hits me. I know this means sth is wrong. No Slot 1 for me. Damn. People still don't want to believe. I do. And somehow, my resolve steels suddenly. Telephonic interview at 7:30. Go back to room. This is my last chance, I tell myself. Focus. Convert. Focus. Convert. What a feeling. I forget everything else around me. No worries. No tensions. Just do it. Too melodramatic? So be it.

7:30 pm
Waiting on the Place Office stairs for the interview to start. Can hear the Slot 1 offers being announced and ppl clapping. Again the burning in the heart. Know my name's not on the list. Can't believe it somehow. Come to terms quickly. Telephonic interview. I have to show energy, Arnie had told me. Build up energy. Write points down. Even a opening line. I'll have to do this. No escape routes.

8:00 pm -9:00 pm
What an interview! The guy tells me then and there that I've made it to the second round. Done half the job. Half still remains. Have reached a state of peace by now. Know things can't be any worse. So from now on, no more worrying. Things will take their own course. A confident end to a bad day.

10 pm
Get ready for Slot 2 and Marketing. Crasher on marketing fundae. Dude am I multifaceted now!
Next instalment: The remaining phases.

Summer's Placement 2: Slot 0

Okk so we come to the most awaited part of the whole summers process...the slot 0 firms with promises of a foreign placement and a stipend in dollars amounting to more than 500,000 in local currency! The preparations for these companies are the most focussed and its almost like the other slots do not exist at all. Slot 0 is the be all and end all of placements...in the lead up to placements week, that's the general impression that you get. The shortlists start coming and those are the first heartbreak points for many. People suddenly realize that they are still not good enuf even though they've cleared the CAT...that they can still be rejected!

Anyway I'll limit the discourse to personal experiences. So I, fortunately or unfortunately, had only 2 shortlists out of the 12 firms visiting campus and those were Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch, two of the biggest biggies. I was all keyed up on the eve of the day...tried out my new suit...was quite impressed by the sight, the corporate image and all!

Day 0: 9 am
Everyone ready and raring to go. Quite a nice gathering of people in suits. People discussing current stock prices and P/E ratios. A few copies of the Economic Times circulating. Suddenly I remember I don't have the last closing figure of the Sensex. Rush Rush. Join my fellow Kgpians for some small talk and breakfast.

10 am
The first interview calls start. People start trickling out. A few among them will not return throughout the day. A few return, to be hounded by thousands of queries. I wait.

1 pm
I am still waiting for my first call. People with 3-4 shortlists are already done with the whole process. AJ is done but seems tensed. I smoke and chew mint with RS. Have packet lunch. The picnic feeling starts.

3pm
Still waiting. Only people with 2 or fewer calls still waiting for the process to start. People desperately cracking PJs to keep from losing patience. A few more puffs and a few more mints. AJ even more tense.

4pm
Merrill Lynch calling. First bike ride to Tata Hall. Ushered into first interview. Tell the guy about myself. What's 92/85? 1 point er...er...08? Okk...whats the square root of 1000? Ahh...33 squared is 1089 so it shud be 32 point 4? Oh no I forgot that 32 squared is 1024. I, the guy whose been doing this stuff mentally since class 10. Oh shit. Guess the no. of flights Jet Airways operates in a day. Oh no...what's this...do some complex calculations and come up with a figure of 30. Try scrutinising the interviewer's face for any signs. Nothing. Some more crappy stuff. Then its done. Im wished best of luck. I'll be wished that for a few more days!

5 pm
Lehman calling. First interview goes really well. The lady is impressed. Am able to communicate my CG. Cudnt do that at Merrill. Solve probability problems and fin fundae with ease. Lady ushers me for another interview. But her seniors are too busy in convincing people why they shud join Lehman. Have the sinking feeling that they have realised capacity constraints. Offers are being made all around. A few like me stand around, oblivious to the rest of the world. Some guy eventually decides to do an interview for me. Asks some stupid stuff about my internships during graduation. Give even more boring answers. Neither of us are impressed. My day ends.

6 pm
Come back to the front desk (that's the arena). People discussing offers. Me ruing my luck. I was timed out of the process, I feel. Maybe, may not be. I had my chance, I did not capitalise. People were given more chances. They did. Leave the arena. On my way out, meet AJ. She's done it. Good for her. Relief on that front. Feeling a tad bit low myself, tho.

Rest of the evening
Cheer myself up. Do nothing much else. People come to room. Some console, some wish luck, some treat me to chocolates. Waiting for tomorrow. Still chance of a foreign offer. Let us hope for the best. Try some combined study with Arnie. Not much good. End the day with bakar session with RK and Stud. That wud be the pattern for days to come.

Tagged!!!

Before continuing with the summers' story, I must finish this pending assignment. Curse Sandy for tagging me, tho :P

Seven Things I want to do before I die
1) Take a tour around the world, preferably with 3-4 friends
2) Taste some of the most expensive wines in the world
3) Puff at a Hawaiian cigar
4) Talk like an RJ
5) Be the centre of attraction at a party at a 5 star hotel
6) Learn how to do the Salsa
7) Quit smoking

Seven Things I can do
1) Eat 6 Tandoori Rotis, 2 Butter Naans and countless pieces of chicken at one go
2) Talk sense and walk straight after 6 pegs of whisky/vodka
3) Remember phone nos, car license plate nos and birthdays
4) Compute complex multiplications and square roots mentally
5) Chat with a girl non-stop for 6 hours from 12 in the night to 6 in the morning
6) Share space and sleep comfortably on a IIT hostel bed with two other people
7) Laugh for 21 minutes straight

Seven Things I say the most
1) Arre shit...
2) O Fuck...
3) Kya kar raha hai be...
4) Dada, 4te wills debe...
5) Peace mar...
6) Load kyon le raha hai...
7) Kya frustness hai ye...

Seven Things I can't do
1) Make tea
2) Make Maggi
3) Make an omelette (in short, I draw a blank when it comes to the kitchen)
4) Quit smoking
5) Keep my room clean for any length of time
6) Remember to carry my handlerchief with me
7) Wash my own clothes

Seven Things that attract me to the opposite sex
1) Simplicity
2) Intelligence
3) A sense of humour
4) Lovely eyes
5) A smile u cud die for
6) Dimples
7) The thing that's the opposite of possessiveness

Seven Celebrity crushes
1) Madhuri Dixit
2) Steffi Graf
3) Preity Zinta
4) Meg Ryan
5) Maria Sharapova
6) Madhubala
7) Shruti Seth (VJ , i guess)

Seven People I want to tag
Here I flounder...everyone I know on the blogosphere has already been tagged...do I now request people to start their own blogs because I tagged them???
Anyway...I'll do that
1) Dada (that's my elder bro)
2) Avik Chakraborty
3) Soham Dutta
4) Rajarshi Guin
5) Rohit Singh (Last time I heard, he was planning to start a blog)
6) Sachin Shukla (hell's prophecies kahan hai bhai?)
7) Astha Jain

Summer's Placement 1: Pre Placement

34 companies, 6 days, 5 slots, 20 group discussions, 19 interviews...yes that's what it took me to land up a decent summer internship at India's premier institution of management!!!The first thing all companies told me was that rejection was not a reflection of my true capabilities and hence, I take heart from that, but eventually what transpired during those 6 days was a very interesting and unforgettable experience!

Let me start off with my initial perceptions about the recruitment process in any IIM. I sort of held the view that the placement process out here was a cakewalk with companies putting up stalls and running around you trying to rope you in! So I was in for quite a shock when things actually started hotting up round here.

Though the summer placement process started from 12th November, preparations had been in full swing ever since the DP hols. And man, some preparation does go in for the interviews! By the end of the process, I had interviewed with foreign I-banks, domestic financial institutions, FMCGs, IT solution providers, a telecom company, a newspaper...indeed, the whole gamut and I must say its a BIG learning curve! Fact of the matter is, I knew the answers to almost all of the questions I was asked in any interview, so it seemed to me that I knew a lot of stuff and that I had actually prepared for it. It was not like at IIT, where we just used to land up at any company without even bothering to look at the company website!

The process is long and is painful. Indeed, it starts from long before placement week. Firstly, there are those umpteen company forms to be filled. And the companies derive some perverse pleasure by asking all sorts of inane personal and situational questions...I don't know how or whether they get the time to actually read all that crap! The hand filled forms are more of a pain...even copy paste doesn't work! And in the midst of all this, there are the thousands of PPTs that one has to attend. Add to that midterms and mugging up whole chapters of corp fin, erivatives and kotler and you sort of start getting the whole picture. You sometimes don't really care about who's gonna take you on board as long as someone does...all the effort that goes in makes you wonder whether it's all worth it! But one thing that you really feel as placement week approaches is that you start knowing yourself and your priorities pretty well. Of course, there's a lot more to learn, as we shall see later!

And on top of that, there are the press releases and inane one-upmanship wrt A and B. Suddenly all the major dailies are flooded with news about IIM Calcutta's summer placements even before the week has started. The whole world has been informed about the super companies and the super salaries that are on offer. And they'll then start asking you...beta training lag gaya...kahan laga...US? kitne dollar kamaoge?...what an embarassment when you tell them that u'll be in India at some desi bank or consumer company...and the other person goes away thinking of you as some kind of despicable species who can't even land a foreign offer from an IIM. No I-bank? No New York, London, Honk Kong?...then what's the use of being in IIMC?...I'll explore the uses as I go along the journey of those 6 days in my next instalment.

When destiny calls...

This post is dedicated to a very dear brother and long standing friend of mine, who is no more

Sometimes people wonder whether there really is a GOD above them, watching... rewarding them for the good things that they do and punishing them for the evil that they perpetrate...that is how we would like to imagine GOD. But things don't always turn out that way...good people are punished, evil men are let off...destiny, do you say? But what's destiny...who creates destiny? Why can't we control our destiny by our own actions? Why are our lives so dependant on the destinies of others? I have so many questions swimming in my head today...and I can answer none.

Today I cannot console myself the death of a 20 year old kid, who had not even begun enjoying his life, a kid who had worked hard his entire life to meet the expectations of his parents, to what end? Untimely death due to negligent driving of some other human being, who may be equally blameless! What answers does GOD offer us? Our parents tell us ki beta be nice, grow up to be a good human being...again to what end? Kya hua achha insaan banke...ppl tell me I'm a nice guy...in terms of niceness and concern for others, I bow humbly to this young brother of mine. No more with me. No more am I his 'ardhek', his half. No brother of mine will call me "chhordabhai" again. But life will roll on. My elder bro will get married. People will be forced to be happy, maybe not that happy, but they will be happy. The sorrow will live on, as long as he lives on in our memories.

The pain has not yet sunk in. Our frequency of meeting had gone down since he went to b'lore and it just seems that that frequency has got a tad extended. It somehow seems unbelievable that there is no existence. That when I was drunk and dancing away to glory on a wild post-midterm Thursday night, my cousin had ceased to exist in this mortal life. Someday I will, too. But who wants to believe that. Everyday we read in the papers about this accident and that. But unless faced by personal tragedy, the sorrow of these countless people, whose entire families are wiped out, never really hit home. The feeling of losing someone is an all-enveloping one, an overwhelming one, You just don't know how to react. You are numb.

I am numb. Unable to concentrate. Life seems to be one big dream presently. Or nightmare? Whatever. This is not real. Perhaps this world was too less a place for someone as "rawking" as my bro, Bhooto (I just couldn't bring myself to spell out that name before this...it hurts, real bad). Rock on, dear man, wherever you are. You'll always be in my heart.

Me and my girls...the beginning...

Why have I been so bad with girls... I think about it sometimes...and receive no conclusive answer. I mean I'm not a bad human being ( and I'm being very modest here, trust me), I'm not bad at relationships ( okk it may be that sometimes I take a week to reply to an sms, but still that does not take away from the fact that my friend count keeps increasing by the day)...so what is it???

Don't give me the shit about good guys sitting on the highest branches of the tree where girls cannot dream of reaching and what not (this is quoted from some weird forward I received in my inbox some days back). I have seen good guys with girlfriends and trust me, they remained the same ol' good guys even after. So just plain bad luck for me, is it???

If at this stage, some of you are feeling that I belong to a depraved species, let me make it clear. I live this life for the experiences it has to offer. And being in love with a girl and being loved in return is one of the most satisfying experiences that life has to offer. I'm afraid I might not be lucky enough to have this facet of life in my life ever. If that makes me desperate, so be it. I am not ashamed to admit that.

So let me trace the evolution of girls in my life. Pre puberty I was in close touch with only two members of the opposite sex. One is still one of my very best friends,lets call her P, who I have known almost from the day she was born (well, we were family friends) and we spent our childhood together and much of our high school life, too. Granted, we were never like brother and sister, but we never had romantic feelings for each other, too. No hindi film stuff. Almost disproving the oft-discussed theory that a guy and a girl can never be true friends without interfering romantic angles!!! Of course, she is very much in love with a guy these days (actually for some 4 years, now) and in spite of my repeated requests to look out for someone for me, she hasn't done anything worthwhile yet. Girls...good for nothing!!!

The other was my cousin, Ar, one year younger to me. I think she has constantly been in love since she reached the age of 10 with someone or the other. She has all the crappy ideal romantic fluffy notions about love and relationships and of course, that brings expectations to all her relationships which are never fulfilled. So she flitted on and on...she was the one who opened my eyes to the fact that while we were chasing those "oh so innocent" girls all the time, they were not as innocent as we thought. We guys were much more naive. Our friendships were simple. To the point. Uncomplicated. Theirs were complex webs. I was a good listener. I heard her tales and I laughed (no actually, I gave her advice but I laughed on the inside). Maybe that's why she's laughing all the way these days and going steady with a kgpian working in bangalore while I fret and fume...

And what's this with kgpians and love across the cyber desert??? Both these childhood girls of mine now have boyfriends who were in IIT Kgp when they met them over the internet chat rooms. How is it that I got no girl to chat with me over the net??? My kgp tag didn't work and I don't think my iim tag will, either!!! What will, for god's sake???

I'll continue with the evolution process next time...