Of late, I have been getting this sinking feeling that I'm losing the race. What race, do u say? Well, for the moment, let it suffice to say that this is a race that the organizers do not know of, and hence, they haven't advertised it nor they have kept any prize reserved for the winner. If that still does not satisfy you, consider it as just another figment of my not too fertile imagination.
The race was never meant to be in the first place. 'Coz there are no other runners. I am running the race alone. At least ostensibly. I forced it upon myself to participate and now I find myself at the crossroads, not knowing which way leads to victory. But I am just too attached to this long distance run of mine to give it up so easily. I'll continue running as I have been doing for the past two years. This race has not brought any rewards to me, neither any accolades. On the contrary, it has caused me untold pain. But it has been worth it. It has been an experience worth reliving.
As I continue my journey unto life, this one race of mine and the sights and sounds associated with it will continue to provide a source of sustenance as nothing else. The race has been long and arduous. But I have been hallucinating of late. Of late, I have being seeing people on the stands, watching me run and laughing at me. Often have I wondered at their mirth. They think that I'm running this race for the prize. I laugh back at them for their naivete. They can have the prize, for all I care. I haven't even thought of the prize, for God's sake!
But as I stated earlier, I'm finding it difficult to continue running at the same pace and with the ame vigour as before. Something seems to be lacking. The sights and sounds have changed. don't get the same thrill out of running anymore. Have those spectators spoiled my fun? Maybe...maybe not. I can't pinpoint the reasons. I am getting tired. I can see but emptiness staring at me with her unforgiving eyes, daring me to continue the race.
I believe I have strength just about enough for one last sprint. One concentrated effort. One last try. One last attempt to breast that tape which seems to move for ever and for ever away as I run forward. Should I preserve the strength and continue my lacklustre race or should I make that one last effort? What lies on the other side? The crossroads seem neverending...
The race was never meant to be in the first place. 'Coz there are no other runners. I am running the race alone. At least ostensibly. I forced it upon myself to participate and now I find myself at the crossroads, not knowing which way leads to victory. But I am just too attached to this long distance run of mine to give it up so easily. I'll continue running as I have been doing for the past two years. This race has not brought any rewards to me, neither any accolades. On the contrary, it has caused me untold pain. But it has been worth it. It has been an experience worth reliving.
As I continue my journey unto life, this one race of mine and the sights and sounds associated with it will continue to provide a source of sustenance as nothing else. The race has been long and arduous. But I have been hallucinating of late. Of late, I have being seeing people on the stands, watching me run and laughing at me. Often have I wondered at their mirth. They think that I'm running this race for the prize. I laugh back at them for their naivete. They can have the prize, for all I care. I haven't even thought of the prize, for God's sake!
But as I stated earlier, I'm finding it difficult to continue running at the same pace and with the ame vigour as before. Something seems to be lacking. The sights and sounds have changed. don't get the same thrill out of running anymore. Have those spectators spoiled my fun? Maybe...maybe not. I can't pinpoint the reasons. I am getting tired. I can see but emptiness staring at me with her unforgiving eyes, daring me to continue the race.
I believe I have strength just about enough for one last sprint. One concentrated effort. One last try. One last attempt to breast that tape which seems to move for ever and for ever away as I run forward. Should I preserve the strength and continue my lacklustre race or should I make that one last effort? What lies on the other side? The crossroads seem neverending...
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17 comments:
It sounds like you are tied for second place in this mysterious race. The fans? They are only hallucinations because you want too much for them to be there in the stands.
life is a road made of thorns covered wth rosy petals.....so whn u take a step u actually step on the thorns......
the actual race is agnst urself...the race whch u run against ur dreams & the dreams tat ppl c for u
all the best
Keep fighting...
I know u have it in u....
dont let us dwn...
See this is a type of race which is very relative in concept..who is ur competitor..perhaps none..and perhaps the person whom u r racing for is also ur competitor coz she may also be racing for u..so where things r so relative there u cant draw such a decisive conclusion of whether u r losing or winning..the only thing is that the parameters of the race varies from time to time...hope everything will be fine
if i think correct, then probably just a couple of more months to go, race kar le baap, abhi tak to itna aage hi hai, ab makhane ka nahi hai...
... this suddenly reminds me of a pun which I am unable to stop myself from commenting it here:
What kind of RACE do you have when giraffes RUN against each other?
A 'neck and neck' RACE.
~ pardon this totally arbit comment on such a serious post..
hi boss...
hmm wouldn't pretend to know all about what u r saying but races in life just mean one thing for me...
its arranged in laps...and each lap starts afresh with all contenders back to the starting line...doesn't matter if u won last time, in fact if u carry the trophies of previous laps u just end up carrying a lot of weight...so like reebok says....
"This road is open 24x7. Run."
ya...point taken...the road is indeed open 24x7...I WILL run :)
wel u l b quite surprizd i guess 2 c a cmmnt postd by me..i was askd 2 go thru dis..(inspite of d grudges i hold against u) i mst admit..dis is a commendabl piece of art..honest n identifiabl..bt u provided d answr urslf..life s beautiful..n is worth living n dyin 4.. inspite of d "cruel steel traps"..it lays down b4 u..so continue wid persevernce n dedication...
This post is refreshingly honest .. and timidly subtle.
Even though i dont know where the race leads.. or what is the prize..
But still, a wonderful piece.
:)
Checking my blog after a long tim..saw ur comment.Thanks for going throuh the shitty stuff I write.kamon achho??Well the I suppose the prspective u are bound to take of ur surroundings is directly proportional to u state of mind...and at the end of this day, we are all bound to this uniformity,isn't it?When we don't have the guts or the inclination to break out of it, mite as well enjoy what we have..
Haan Bhai Jaisa ki Arnav ne kahaa ab last lap bacha hai ..sprit maar le is baar... kahin aisa naa ho jaaye ki akela duadne pe bhee second aa jaaye ;-)
hey suvro ... fantastic post ... wud love to read its finale after the few months (maybe a selfish reason as well)!! but indeed u mirrored a lot wat i feel about this race.
But dude ... since u started dont give up ... u can surely be the winner!!
Hi Subhro,this is the first time i am going thru ur blog.Though I really don't know what race u r speaking of,ur piece of writing touches me.It seems to be born out of a sensitive heart.U know at times we r so engrossed in the race that we tend to lose sight of the goal itself... or the goal we hd started chasing loses its significance on the way.So frnd,always re-evaluate what u r pursuing... lest life ends in search of a mirage..
All the best,may u emerge the winner...
the finish line is near :)
Well, methinks I won this race after all! On to the podium then. Will keep you guys updated.
:-) podium finish!! congrats!! :-)
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