Feelings and me...some reflections...

Well i don't know how best to put it but I never knew that what I wrote in my stupid blog could touch the hearts of so many people(now here I exaggerate, but anyhow, at least, a few people). Thank you guys, I am touched by your response and as Shubhashis aptly put it, it makes me feel that i will forever miss Kgp.

When we entered the strange world of IIT Kgp in our first years, fresh from high school and as naive and innocent as could be, we could never imagine that separation from the place could hurt so much. Indeed, in those first few initial weeks, all I heard was people cribbing about the town, the campus, the hostel , the rooms, the mess, the bathrooms, the classes, the professors (and of course, the girls, but that is an entirely different topic) and it was a neverending list.

In course of time, all that became trivial. What mattered were the souls that inhabited Kgp and the overriding spirit of the place that pervaded our lives in thousands of small ways and changed us for ever. All of us who have passed out and my friends still there in their 5th yr (as Sandeep put it, the last legion still standing) will admit that they are no more the doe eyed boys that they were 4 years ago. They have learnt the most important lesson of life - how to live - and they have emerged from the experience as mature adults who can face any situation in life without having to turn the other cheek.

Kgp has given me much, (forgive me for making this personal, but as such it applies to most) - it has given me my wingies, my other friends spread over all the 6 hostels (or shud I say 7, actually I should), it has given me the pleasures of spending time with them, knowing them, boozing with them, fighting with them, sympathizing with them, learning from them and teaching them.

Kgp has taught me the nuances of JIT, to do everything on time but never before time, it has taught me that I have it in me to achieve what I set out to - that I would ever play for my hall team would not have occured to me in my wildest dreams while preparing for IITJEE, being flatfoot and forever ridiculed as the studious geek who couldn't play - but I did it, nevertheless, and it will remain special to me.

The night outs I had during our preparation for ILLU in the three years I spent in Patel Hall is, by far, the single most vivid memory I'll carry for the rest of my life from my stay in Kgp - smoking those umpteen suttas to stave off weariness and sleep, to work on and achieve the utmost perfection reachable on those damned chatais with their damned white lines and that damned centre point between the 4 sub-chatais of the main chatai, where you had to climb between two slippery tables 15 ft in the air to tie those last few loops to maintain continuity - that along gave me a high that's incomparable!!! Slogging on through sheets of rain to get the chatais up on the bamboos, with Surya-bhai and Jha sounding directions despite a lost cause of a wet ILLU looming large - these are images that i can't get rid off, baggage I'll carry the rest of my life, for good or for bad.

Many of my friends would feel that I am not the emotional type, I have never been seen to get emotional, never get angry, never cry - indeed, my single largest defining point is my incredible laughter. Hence, it is a valid assumption that I am not the "senti" type. But believe me, it takes a lot of effort to be smiling always, a lot of emotions keep getting bottled up - but that's me. I may not be showing it always, but my feelings can never be doubted. I don't believe in expressing my feelings vocally - I feel relationships are too precious to be diluted by cheap expressions of affection. If that puts off certain people, so be it. For the rest, I will be always be there.

~ cheerioz and keep smiling :)